Why Private Function should represent Australia at Eurovision 2026

Melbourne punk band Private Function (Image: Private Function Facebook).

In recent months, members of the Aussievision team have been advocating for artists who should represent Australia in Vienna next year.

I honestly think 2026 could be a make-or-break year for Australia at Eurovision. If we fail to make the grand final for a third year in a row, serious questions are going to (and will need to) be asked about our selection methods, our goals for competing at Eurovision, and if its really all worth it.

I'll be straight out honest and say the act I'm putting forward are unlikely to get the nod. But with their eye-opening qualities and incredible energy, they might just be the fire cracker that Australia needs to unleash on the rest of Europe, and improve our results from recent years.

Get around one of the country's most exciting and explosive emerging live acts, Private Function.

Who are Private Function?

Private Function are a punk and pub rock band from Melbourne who formed in 2016.

Their current lineup includes front man Chris Penney, bassist Milla Holland, drummer Aidan McDonald, lead guitarist Anthony Biancofiore and rhythm guitarist Lauren Hester, along with occasional keyboardist and percussionist James Macleod.

They have become known for their high energy, rowdy live shows, larrikin humour and eye-raising marketing stunts.

For their debut album in 2019, they used the same title and artwork as Metallica's divisive and mostly unpopular 2003 album St. Anger.

Upon releasing their fourth album ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ earlier this year, they put on sale a limited edition vinyl variant, which was scented like Gwyneth Paltrow's infamous vagina candle.

Most of their tracks have spoofy titles playing on the aforementioned larrikin humour, or focus on Aussie slang and lifestyle.

Their most well known tracks include I Wish Australia Had Its Guns Again, Albury Wodonga, Justavinageez, Dial Before You Dig, White Lady Funerals, Passion Pop, Bad Day To Be A Beer and F**k Me Dead.

They're rowdy, chaotic and controverisal

I'll be real - a band whose back catalogue has tracks including I Wish Australia Had Its Guns Again is obviously not going to be the most PC-friendly choice for an international pop song contest - even though the song topic is a satirical take on Australia and US's differences with gun laws.

But much like Go-Jo this year, Private Function have a bit of a 'novelty' factor to them that is endearing and draws eyeballs.

Think Iceland's Hatari and their industrial metal from 2019, albeit with some tongue in cheek, and a thrashy punk rock sound.

Anyone who has seen their live shows knows how off the chain they can be. It's been too long since we've seen some real rock star moves at Eurovision, like Lordi's drummer throwing his drumsticks into the crowd in 2006, or a (kinda half-assed) crowd surf from the bass player in Hungary's AWS in 2019.

Whether its stage dives or coordinated microphone cord swings, there's new ground which Private Function can rightfully own if they are sent to Vienna.

Check out this performance of one of their songs Duct Tape during their national tour earlier this year to get a sample of their on-stage stage antics.

They have warmed the stage for big names in big venues, and toured Europe extensively

Private Function have been doing the pub circuit and their own headline tours for close to 10 years now, but they've also supported local rock legends on their national tours including Grinspoon, Frenzal Rhomb and Spiderbait.

Earlier this year, they got their biggest slot to date, when they were tapped by US punk legends Green Day to open for them at Marvel Stadium in Melbourne and Engie Stadium in Sydney on their Saviours world tour back in March.

Since those gigs, and a headline tour for their latest album, they've spent the best part of the second half of the year relentlessly touring around Europe, and they'll come back to support The Living End in Melbourne next month.

Stacks of shows and building a fanbase in Europe? What a smart idea for Eurovision...

They do a mean ABBA cover

Along with their original stuff, Private Function have included turbocharged covers of massive hits by some of the world's biggest acts on their albums, including Midnight Oil's King Of The Mountain and Coldplay's Yellow.

But their cover repertoire also contains a hit by the biggest band to ever come out of Eurovision, ABBA! Check out their version of SOS - you can't tell me its not going to win them fans if they perform it on the pre-party circuit.

They do songs about Australian towns - and our most well known animals

Back to the song titles and topics - Australia is yet to send a song dedicated to one of our beloved towns and put it up in lights for the Eurovision world to see.

In fact, not many countries have really done songs about towns in the entire history of the competition - with the exception of Husavik (My Home Town) from The Story Of Fire Saga movie.

Private Function have songs about Albury Wodonga, Echuca and Holbrook already in their back catalogue.

Sure, they'd have to work on a new one due to eligibility rules, but it would become a talking point, and again, it would be something unique that the competition has rarely seen. Why wouldn't you want to get around something like this?

And if songs about towns isn't really a goer - well, the band can also write catchy songs about Australian marsupials.

There have been plenty of cheesier and less catchy songs to hit the Eurovision stage than this one - check out Koala from their latest record - the fuzz factor is high!

Two NQs in a row? Time to pick a band again.

Go-Jo did everything he could, Electric Fields had the arena on their side, but ultimately, Australia's once great qualification record has taken a downward turn in the past two years.

Our only grand final qualifier from SBS's internal choices in the post-Australia Decides era has been the almighty Voyager - a long overdue, hard rocking band entry.

Their success fittingly showed that we can send something other than a former Australian Idol or X-Factor star and still get a top 10 finish.

Voyager also won their (albeit weaker) semi final, proving Australian bands can score a bit of love from not just the juries, but the public as well.

Sure, those who love their cheesy pop in spades aren't gonna warm to Private Function, and I can imagine Wiwibloggs reacting about as kindly as they did to Finland's disqualified UMK metalcore act One Morning Left and their song Puppy earlier this year (hint: they hated it).

But If Amyl and the Sniffers and The Chats aren't free, Private Function could just be the crazy bit of loud punk rock that could get eyeballs and televoters back on Australia's side - and back into the grand final.

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